1.  Saying “www” when giving your website address.

For the love of Zeus, please save some precious seconds of my life and yours by not saying “double-you, double-you, double-you” to me when you don’t need to.

2.  Using the phrase “turn of the century” to incorrectly refer to the year 1900.

The turn of the 20th century happened over 100 years ago, and the phrase “turn of the century” now refers to the event that happened eight years ago, namely the beginning of the 21st century.  Do you remember where you were at the turn of the century?  I do, because it was less than a decade ago.  Is it too much to ask to at least try and keep up with the passing of time?

3.  Venerating dead celebrities.

Where do celebrities go when they die?  They are seared into our memories forever with the corporate news version of “enhanced interrogation,” a never-ending series of clips, soundbites, interviews, homages, video montages and televised emotional breakdowns designed to shatter our wills and force us to accept the cult of celebrity as our Truth.  This juggernaut of mourning is cynically calculated to squeeze one final ounce of ratings and profits from the recently departed, who, we are made to believe, were the kindest, most decent, most important people who have ever lived.  And it seems to work, too.

Tim Russert and George Carlin, we hardly knew ye; but now we really, really know ye, far more than we wanted to even when ye were alive.

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