If the theory that there is an infinite number of dimensions or realities, where every possible decision or action that could happen does, is true, then can I please be allowed to go to one of those other existences?

How is it that I was unlucky enough to end up in a universe where a former Nazi who pushes myths and fairy tales, all while believing in his own sacred infallibility, is granted a full ceremonial greeting and treated like an honored guest? How is it that I ended up in the universe where people who believe in resurrection and transubstantiation think that Scientology is crazy? Furthermore, how did I end up in the dimension where 150,000 deaths are happily hailed as part of an economic stimulus package? And for that matter, how did I end up on the existential plane where the process to elect the leader of the free world involves endless, mindless, childish, partisan parsing of every off-the-cuff statement, action, breath, hairstyle, fashion choice and bowel movement of the political candidates at the expense of any discussion of any issue that actually matters?

And finally, how did I end up in the domain where the philosophical descendants of ignorant, superstitious crusaders and inquisitioners calculatingly and cynically hijack the language of victimization to demand that their disproved, crackpot ‘theories’ about the shape of the earth, why hurricanes happen, and where life came from be given equal weight to actually proven facts?

If there is a universe somewhere where rational people are celebrated, not ridiculed, where ethics and idealism are the norms, where the leaders of the world and the media that cover them engage in intellectual, civil discourse, where music, art and entertainment are all thoughtful and meaningful, where people live in harmony with nature, not in domination of it, where smart and capable people live comfortably and immature, narcissistic, vacuous, no-talent hacks have to worry about mortgages and credit card debt, and where people live up to high expectations and not down to the lowest common denominator, then, wow, I’d rather be there.

In fact, forget another universe. If there is another planet in this universe like that, that’d work just fine, too.